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[May. 16th, 2008|10:38 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  groggy | ] |
The only sort of pesto that the store down the street is apparently carrying anymore (Eldrad did the shopping, I have not verrified this for myself) has cashews in it. I found this out the hard way last night.
Didn't cashews use to be an expensive nut?
*sigh* Anaphalaxis is NO FUN for nchanter. |
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[May. 14th, 2008|01:08 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I've been doing lots of thinking about relationships recently. This should be no surprise to anyone.
At somepoint, I believe, we all SHOULD sit down and make a concious decision about how much are we each willing to compromise, or even give up of one's self, for Love. I want to spend the rest of my life in Massachusettes. There are many reasons for that, some of the silly and political, some of them do to with cultural norms versus the cultural norms of other areas. But I was (and probably still am) willing to give that up for love. But did I sit down and think about that rationally? I'm not sure I ever did.
My mother is of the opinion that you shouldn't have to compromise anything. I think that's crazy talk. In any good relationship, even a "perfect" one, there WILL be compromises, give and take. I think that there needs to be, since a relationships without any sorts of trials between the two people is... well... what happens if you then one-day hit one?
There are some things I know I won't compromise on. I won't screw around with my safe-sex practices just to make someone happy. I won't tolerate deception, and I require near-brutal honesty, even when, no, ESPECIALLY when, I fall short of it myself. I won't ever be in a non-negotiable completely closed relationship. Everything should always be open for discussion, even if it's not up for alteration.
There are a lot of things that I don't know where my hard line is. There are a number of small things, that are important to me, that individually don't seem like a big deal to "give" on. But what if it's 20 little things? Am I willing to give on all 20? Does the amount I'm willing to compromise change with the amount the other person is willing to compromise? How much of my self can I give up without giving up myself completely?
Each situation is different. I know that. However, it is really important to figure out what is and isn't negotiable before you sit down at the table. Otherwise, you might find youself giving away the store, one small argument at a time... |
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[May. 8th, 2008|12:15 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  bouncy | ] |
I'm going to Oklahoma tomorrow to see my boyfriend. I will also be seeing my brother and my sister-in-law. I plan to return back to civilization late late Sunday night. Monday I will be a zmobie.
-N
the misspelling of "zombie" was intentional. Like, two people reading this will get it, and one of them will think I'm absolutely silly for doing so. |
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[Apr. 28th, 2008|07:59 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | exhausted | ] |
Staying up until 3 am online talking with people on a school work night is a bad idea. But sometimes it's nessisary. This was one of those times, but man, today is going to suck.
I'm kinda glad we don't have D&D today (my Monday game has been moved to Tuesday) because I would be a total zombie for it. Total and complete. Hopefully I'll be a smart little nchanter and go to bed early tonight, or at least at a resonable hour. I wouldn't bet any money on it though.
oh! Dave defends his thesis tomorrow. I'm very excited for him.
*drags self out of bed* |
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[Apr. 16th, 2008|11:45 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | nostalgic | ] |
[23:42] syntheticonyx: yeah... well i admire your commitment to your principles and convictions
[23:42] Nchanter X: thanks
[23:42] Nchanter X: not nearly as easy as i make it look ;)
[23:43] syntheticonyx: but that's you... graceful under duress
But man, do I wish it were... |
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| PSA |
[Apr. 1st, 2008|08:34 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  grumpy | ] |
I hate April Fools Day. |
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| More signs that Nchanter is growing up. |
[Mar. 30th, 2008|12:25 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | contemplative | ] |
So.
Twice this weekend I've gotten dressed to leave the house, and both times I've put on my favorite pair of gothy pants, which still fit, in a "the measurements fit the contours of my body" way, but they no longer seem to FIT. I'm not saying that bondage pants or the like are not adult, but they are not the adult that I am growing into. They are still appropriate for one of the masks I wear, but they have moved entirely into "event wear" in my head. Next time I clean my room they will move to the drawers that are specifically for event wear.
Give me a pair of jeans, black or blue, and a black top that shows a little bit, but not too much, cleavage any day. Give me my favorite pair of boots, which actually have a 2" heal. What I wear to work is also what I want to wear going out, most of the time. I am changing, and it feels like I'm changing into an adult. Hopefully these changes will soon filter into things like keeping my apartment neater, or paying my bills more on-time, but it's something, and I will take what I can get.
Honestly, it's just a visible, outward sign of the reduced amount of chaos in my brain. But it is something I can see, and I like that there are changes I can see, even if they are silly and superficial. Now I just need to stop being so shocked at the times I feel like I'm being an adult... |
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| Signs that Nchanter might actually be a girl. |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|09:36 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  girly | ] |
At somepoint, maybe, I should write a post about my thoughts on gender, my issues with gender identity, societal gender rolls, and those sorts of things. Someone accidentially triggered me thinking about these things in an IRC channel lately, and I can't get them out of my head. *glares in general direction of Ohio*
However, this is a post about how girly I've become. I'll never be uber-fem, or if I do become uber-fem, please put me out of my misery, but I booked a hair appointment to get my hair flat-ironed during lunch on Wednesday, May 7th. This is because my hair-dresser only works until 2pm on Wednesdays. Thursday, May 8th, I go to visit Dave.
But my hair looks really CUTE flat.
I need to order more contacts...
-N |
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| Taking my own advice |
[Mar. 4th, 2008|09:35 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  creative | ] |
Well, I was too drained to get out to Ceremony last night, which I was vaugely planning to do, but I'm finally taking my own advice and I've signed up for the "Finish it up" class on Friday Nights at The Cambridge Quilt Shop. It's just for March (well, they hold it every month, but I think I'm traveling a bunch in April), and it's a time and space to work on stuff and socialize with other quilters. And... it seems like a good idea right now to plan to do something that radically *Isn't* gaming every week. In addition, one of my oldest (in terms of knowing the longest) and dearest friends is getting married in 2 months. I don't know if I'll suceed, but man, I can try.
I need a quilting icon too. |
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| ATITD20 |
[Mar. 2nd, 2008|07:48 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  happy | ] |
So this game I just DMed... I'm playing online via Team Speak and a map softwear java thing. With people I know from my MMO. and OMG IT WAS FUN!
I am fried. I was like "why is it getting hard for my brain to do math" and then I looked at the clock and we'd been going for 7 hours. And the fight came to an end, I healed people up, and we were done. I then went to shower to try and clear my brain. It helped some.
I <3 Gaming. I can be a gamer geek now.
-K
(I may write more about it tomorrow when my brain isn't goo)
(I really really really need at least 1 gaming icon now) |
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| Hmmmm... I need a gaming Icon |
[Mar. 2nd, 2008|09:43 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  geeky | ] |
I need to learn how to be really agressive when playing 1856. It's complex enough that I'm not sure I know what I'm doing, even when I do, I doubt myself, and then I don't do stuff that I should. Grrr.... Also, I'm not sure I like playing on Teams. I am sure that the configuration of Teams yesterday was NOT IDEAL.
I DM for the first time today for D&D (or any RPG). I'm doing it online using Team Speak and RP Tools The map tool is nifty to play with. I'm running in Eamons's DragonWall world... except moddifying it. One change: There aren't guns. Which is taking out a lot of the flavor, but, well, I didn't think I wanted to deal with them. I'm also making the world more gray. I love Eamon as a DM, but his worlds tend to be very black and white, which I like for the way we play, but I want to try something a little different. And there is more that I would write but one of my players reads my LiveJournal.
On a 3rd Gaming Note Eamon is running a Wednesday night game while his Wednesday night DM is off doing silly theatre things and can't DM for like, 2 months, and asked me if I wanted to play 'cause he could use another body. I said yes, because I am insaine. Or because I like rolling dice or something. I'll be playing D&D 3 times this week. And probably 3 times some other weekend this month. Clearly, I now <3 Gaming. I need to find a more regular outlet for interesting board games though.
-N |
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| Open Letter |
[Feb. 19th, 2008|12:17 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  awake | ] |
Dear Future Partner(s),
My standards for communication are... high. Really high. Super duper uber high. Afraid that you might be over-sharing, and telling me things that I don't actually need to be told, because they are obvious, or are things I already know? Yea, you might be starting to communicate enough for me.
I have learned to over-share on the side of making me look neurotic vs the horrors of having not told someone something important, or having something not important turn into something disastrous 'cause it just was never ever discussed.
This is not to say I am perfect. I often fall short of my own standards. There are still things that it is hard for me to talk about, and I do screw this up sometimes. I'm not good at talking about what I want out of my own sex life, even though I am really comfortable talking about sex in general. I can talk about passion but the more I get hurt, the harder it is for me to admit to how much I care about someone, or I become embarrassed by it, because caring = weakness in some twisted part of my brain.
But I am trying, and I ask that you try too. One day, when we find each other, hopefully we will be better at it together than we are alone.
Anything worth having is worth working for.
Anyone worth having is worth dying for.
I am way more vulnerable than I pretend I am, and I am so sick of pretending all the time.
Love,
Nchanter |
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| PS |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|02:51 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | exhausted | ] |
Has anyone seen my brain? I'm missing part of it, most specifically the part that keeps it from being a puddle of soup...
ADD is in overdrive. And I'm *TIRED* |
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| PSA |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|10:04 am] |
Dave will be in town for about... 40 hours this weekend.
If you thought you might see me somewhere... you were wrong. (Unless I've already made plans with you. But y'all know who you are.)
And no, I ain't brining him to Hot Foods. I love the man, I ain't throwing him to the lions. At least not yet. Not on a weekend where I barely get to see him myself...
-K |
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| Obligitory Post Arisia Post |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|09:31 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | bouncy | ] |
OK. I ran into many of you at REALLY different points in the weekend. Honestly, my mood this past weekend varied a LOT. But even though I was wanting to go home Sunday afternoon, in the end my con experience was a positive one.
Short Re-Cap.
Registration -- I worked registration. I had a BLAST. It was really really fun. I worked with some awesome people who I have a lot of respect for. And it was remarked on how much awesome clue I have :) I was asked if I was going to be working registration again next year, and I answered with a resounding "Yes." Heck, I'm going to want to work more of Friday night and Early Saturday, 'cause that is when it is most crazy and that is when I felt I was being most useful :)
Drama -- There was social Drama. It was really icky at the time. It started to get really overwhelming. But in the end it worked out, and the situation that was related to the drama is better for the drama having happened, because it made me examine the situation more and forced conversations to happen in what was, I think, a fairly constructive way. I just wish it haden't eaten my Saturday night and most of my Sunday. But I am glad for the way the situation has worked out, and am an overall happier Nchanter for the momentary ick.
Art -- Well, I put stuff up in the show. None of my table pieces made it. Some of it was half assed, but some of it was really cool. Nothing sold, but that's ok, 'cause I got compliments on stuff (especially the repeated NFS piece) and the fabric collage piece. The fabric collage piece is totally not my colors... but I'm going to do more versions of that project in actual pretty colorways :) The really half-assed piece has inspired me to do a much larger not half-assed piece based on it that has the potential to be Teh Awesome.
Pi-Con -- Well, I failed to make it to much of the first party, and I was working during the Pi-Con meeting, but I showed up to the second party. I woudl call it a resounding sucess. We got people who wanted to be panelists, and someone who wanted to do an event (and somehow I didn't end up with his contact info... that makes me sad) and people who pre-registered (There was a special at-Arisia price of $20.) and most importantly got ME re-energized about Pi-Con. If you are interested in learning more about what's going on at Pi-Con, or want to get involved in our awesomeness, please please please let me know. :)
Friends -- I have some awesome awesome friends. Many of whom I don't see enough. I especially appreciate those who know to take my freaking out with a grain of salt, and humor me anyways. And ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) eldrad, the best roommate and best friend a girl could have, who can manage me when I'm more crispy than the skin of a deep-friend chicken and still trick me into napping when I need it.
In conclusion: Arisia = yay! Deciding to be staff = double yay!! (The perks of Staff Den plus the Massage Den are, you know, wonderful, and the people who help staff those spaces better be getting extra good Karma from just doing those jobs.)
-Nchanter |
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| Arisia |
[Jan. 17th, 2008|04:46 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | excited | ] |
So... I was gonna post about me in the art show when i had some teaser snapshots to share.
Not that togeather. BUT! I will have stuff in the art show, to include pillows (which are really way pretty, they came out better than i was expecting) and art quilts (one of which, again, came out way better than i was expecting)
I am also working registration.
Fri 2-4
Fri 6-8
Sat 9-noon
Sun 6-8:30
Mon 9:30-11
and... probably another shift 'casue i just added that up and it's 11 and a half hours. I thought I had signed up for 12. Hugh.
Sometime before Monday at 6 I need to build a Sorcerer for the D&D game. Yea. Possibly on Sunday from 6-8 :P
Now I go off to learn how to run the Reg System. And then go home and do more sewing.
And I need to do laundry before noon tomorrow too...
*waves*
I used this icon 'cause it was taken at Arisia. I miss the shirt I was wearing in that picture. |
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| Yes, I am a geek. |
[Jan. 12th, 2008|02:35 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  busy | ] |
So while sewing today I am watching Star Trek: TNG. I'm working through the 3rd Season. And with the 3rd season there is a lot of Wesley Crusher episodes, which is just reminding me of the single most annoying continuity error in all of Star Trek, at least for me. It might not technically count as continuity, but whatever, it bugs the hello out of me.
In episode 20 of the 7th season (Journey's End) Wesley leaves Star Fleet to go galivanting around the universe (and possibly other dimensions) with "The Traveler" who was introduced in season 1. However, in Star Trek: Nemesis he is sitting at the head table during Riker and Troy's wedding, next to Beverly, in a Star Fleet Dress Uniform. It's a very quick shot, and I wasn't sure of it until I'd seen the movie 3 times. (It's not that good of a movie, but I am a freak and therefore I own it. Hell, I think Generations might be better.)
No one could ever convince me that Wesley had gone back to Star Fleet after, you know, studying with Native Americans and whatever else The Traveler had him doing. No way.
And yes, there are grosser inconsistancies within the Star Trek Universe, I am sure. But this is the one that really gets to me.
OK, back to sewing, if I'm going to have more than 1 thing up in the Art Show next weekend...
-K |
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| Crafting |
[Jan. 4th, 2008|10:26 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | creative | ] |
So... I'm in the Arisia Art Show this year. Again. This year I have 1 Panel and 1/2 a table... I did this a few months ago so it would motivate me to craft/make art. This... well... worked kinda. I'm making stuff! But it wasn't until 3 days ago that I finally dragged it all out.
I REALLY need eldrad to take a picture of me in our living room. 95% of my fabric stash is sitting on the couch, my chair, or various other surfaces in our living room. The ironing board is out. I still can't find the shank I replaced for my Baby Lock, which means I'm piecing with my walking foot... again. (And I can't do one of the projects I wanted to do, which is just as well as I should really just stick with what I know)
I couldn't find my roatry cutter and fabric scissors two nights ago so I stopped by the Cambridge Quilt Store last night to pick up new ones of both. I also ended up spending a good chunk of my Christmas money on fabric. Which, ok, while I have a LOT of fabric it was ok 'cause a bunch of it was 40% off, I hadn't stash-built in a while, and it means Dave can buy tools now.* When I got home last night eldrad somehow brought up looking in the basement, especially when I couldn't find a whole thing of thread and trim. Sure enough, there they were**. So now I have 2 of each. But if I hadn't gone out to purchase new ones I would have never found those.
A little bit ago the following transpired in IRC..
10:20 < waltman> causing a plague of locusts?
10:20 < McLazarus> the plague of locusts is in about an hour.
10:20 < waltman> then the frogs and the river of blood?
10:20 < McLazarus> we can't afford the frogs. but the river of blood is a distinct possibility.
10:22 < nchanter> mmm... rivers of blood....
10:22 < nchanter> oooh... man, now i wish my applique skills were... existent...
Maybe next year...
* When Dave and his Ex were together, any time she came home with new shoes, he was allowed to buy a new tool. This was mostly 'cause she had a problem with buying shoes she didn't need. Back in the fall when I bought new boots, he tried to say that he was allowed to buy new tools 'cause that was the deal with his ex. I said that it wasn't a good approximation 'cause I only buy shoes when I NEED them. So I called Dave last night and told him he was allowed to go buy a new tool. He laughed. I asked him if he knew what I bought. He got it on the first try. He asked how much I spent, and whistled, and said "Well you're better for my tool collection than she was. I can now go get that woo-chipper I've been eying. And a whole mess of c-wrenches"
** No, I hadn't looked there already. Our basement really creeps me the fuck out. I don't like going down there at night without someone else at home. Call me a pussy, I don't care, it really does freak me out that much. |
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[Dec. 31st, 2007|07:40 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  bitchy | ] |
This is not an acceptable way for my immune system to be acting when I am trying to be an adult. I don't care how much I can push through shit when I'm sick -- I just can't go to work when I can barely swollow. This will just end up bad.
After I wake back up this morning my immune system is getting a very stern talking to about appropriate behavior, especially when I'm actually making a god-damned effort to take care of my body. I have a sneaking suspicion, however, that I am going to loose that argument.
I am not going out tonight, which is probably just as well as I hadn't decided where I was going...
Happy fucking New Year |
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[Dec. 26th, 2007|09:33 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | awake | ] |
I am home safely. Actually, I am at work.
My luggage, however, is a completely different story. They think it never made it onto the plane in Pittsburgh (for no good reason, I was there with plenty of time to twiddle my thumbs. And NOTHING is open on Christmas in the airport.) and it *should* be on a plane today, and then get delivered to me.
My two favorite pair of jeans are in there. As well as, you know, everything I got for Christmas (including the giftcards, but minus the cash and jeans I wore on the plane ride home)
Dave normally mocks me for never checking luggage. This is why I try not to. He's flying today for a gig, and is having to check his tools. And is now nervious about it. I'm not taking any glee in his anxiety, only because I don't actually want to see him cry if his tools get lost. I am not THAT sort of evil bitch of a girlfriend; I'm the other sort. |
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[Dec. 22nd, 2007|06:46 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | grumpy | ] |
About that whole 6am flight thing? 8:15 now... and the wifi just got repaired at logan, so I was here fore about, oh, 2 hours without it... |
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| Travel |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|09:12 pm] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | awake | ] |
I'm waking up at like, 4am to catch a 6am flight to PIT. I land before 8am. Mom and Kim won't get there until Sunday. I have a date with Dave in Pennsilvania tomorrow night. *squee* I fly back to Boston On a 9pm flight on the 25th, getting in a little before 11pm. I will be working the next day.
I actually have some internet access these days when at my grandparent's place 'cause Mom has a card to get on verizon's cellular data network. But best way to get ahold of me, not that anyone will need me for anything, is my cell. |
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[Dec. 6th, 2007|11:02 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| | tired | ] |
Feeling well enough to drag my ass out of bed to get to work...
But still sick. And not being very productive... |
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[Dec. 5th, 2007|07:53 am] |
| [ | emotional state |
| |  sick | ] |
Stayed home sick from work yesterday. Been fighting off this thing for weeks now, was feeling like it was getting worse, seemed the prudent thing to do.
Today, my head hurts like tons of tiny deamons are running around in it, stabbing it with little swords. This makes me less-than-happy, mostly 'cause I don't acutally like missing work. It's not like I'm well enough to go out and get shit done with the time.
I can haz wellness now?
Tomorrow I'm going in, near regardless. I'm also not going to accidentially stay up until 1am tonight, like last night. I didn't mean too!
-K |
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bored