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I came back from Oklahoma totally fried. Traveling like that, on a… - The Mad Ramblings of Nchanter [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Nchanter

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[May. 14th, 2007|10:52 am]
Nchanter
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I came back from Oklahoma totally fried. Traveling like that, on a really busy travel day... took too much out of me. I got nothing done last night. Which means I'm driving to Virginia Wednesday, not tomorrow. I already re-scheduled my lunch plans for today to tomorrow evening, so no grabbing me there. Will still be back "sometime before June."

Oklahoma was... well, it was *green* this time, made it way more reasonable to be around (The grass goes dormant/brown in the winter. Bluegrass doesn't do that...) I got to lay out in his hammock reading and got some sun. Seeing him was awesome. But I came away with way too much to think about. Also? Needed another atleast half day, if not two. I miss him horribly already, maybe more so, 'cause I got use to his skin and his kisses very very quickly.

I'm now in a wretched grumpy mood. I guess I'll go pack...

-K
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: lightcastle
2007-05-14 03:00 pm (UTC)
Move.

Move to Oklahoma or have him move here.

This Long Distance "I miss him horribly already" thing? It leads to disaster.

Move.
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[User Picture]From: woodwardiocom
2007-05-14 03:45 pm (UTC)
This Long Distance thing? It leads to disaster.

I feel obliged to point out that the "moving 1500 miles" thing can also lead to disaster.
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[User Picture]From: lightcastle
2007-05-14 03:57 pm (UTC)
Of course it can.

I have distinct biases here. If you want to be together, be together. If they don't really want it, it will become clear quickly. But the longer you let it sit in limbo, the more likely that's all it will ever be.
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[User Picture]From: nchanter
2007-05-14 05:25 pm (UTC)

Every situation is different

And you don't know the specifics of this one.

1- He's in school. He can't move until after that. Also, a house, also a KID with a MOTHER who Lives there too (but probably not for long, I don't expect her to be a big factor in a few years)

2- Our feelings for eachother have only gotten stronger in the past almost 8 years, including 5 where our only contact was over IM. That means something

3- I was gonna be in school for another few years until about 2 months ago.

4- He just got out of a 5 year relationship about 6 months ago. I just got over my 2.5 year relationship about 6 months ago. Neither of us are ready for that.

5- I'm not ready to move for him, yet. And he hasn't asked me to. If he did, hell, I probably would have already.

6- We've been "dating" Since christmass. You don't move 1500 miles for someone after 5 minutes. Anyone I know who has, has regretted it horribly. If it's good, if it's worth it, it will certiantly last a year until we're in a better position to consider it.
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[User Picture]From: feng_huang
2007-05-14 05:48 pm (UTC)

Re: Every situation is different

Hell... In one case that I know of, a 2500-mile move happened after a few months, and it was a huge mistake. (I'm glad we're here now, but I sure could've done without that first year after we moved.)

Yeah, moving for a relationship is a big gamble in many cases, but... well, you've got your head screwed on straight, so I'll cut it out. :-)
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[User Picture]From: woodwardiocom
2007-05-14 06:03 pm (UTC)
If it's good, if it's worth it, it will certainly last a year until we're in a better position to consider it.

Well said.

However, if in the end you do decide to move, I am a world-class packer of books.

(Though I would miss you.)
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[User Picture]From: sweetmmeblue
2007-05-14 11:44 pm (UTC)

Re: Every situation is different

I met drwex November of 1994. January 1995 both out long term primary relationships went BOOM. April 1995 we became primaries. Early June 1995 I moved from Denver, CO to Medford, MA. So that's about 6.5 months after we met.

We did not live together for the first 2 years I was out here. We then lived together for 2 years before we got married. We just celebrated 8 years married and 12.5 together.

I applaud you being relistic and taking it slow. I respond this just to say that it can work. However, in our case no kids were involved until we decided to have them. *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: nchanter
2007-05-15 01:10 pm (UTC)

Re: Every situation is different

Right, and that's a good example of it working. But, like we've both stated, the two situations are different. And if push came to shove and I moved out there, oh, next week, we'd probably survive it, though I know it would make him feel suffocated, which is why it's not a good idea for us. And him moving out here, which is where I want to end up, even if I move there for a while, is just not an option right now.

My jumping on lightcastle's back has a lot to do with the *way* he said "Move" and for him not presenting his biases, which I think everyone else in this discussion has. Each of us work differently, but as Eamon pointed out last night, LC is right. One of three things will happen in this relationship. I will move there, he will move here, or it will end. (Alternately, we both move somewhere totally new to be with eachother, could happen. But it's less likely. Honestly, as much as I hate to say it, I'm not forseeing a future where I can be with him and not live out there for atleast a little while.)

But I'm not picking up and moving for someone who isn't sure he wants me to yet, who, as much as he loves me, is still scared of the idea of loving me and being loved by me, and being an equal in a relationship with me, until, you know, some of that gets worked out. I'm confident that it will, but doesn't mean I shouldn't just let this all run it's course.

Also? Dave has a history of the woman he's dating giving him commitment ultimatiums after 5 minutes of dating. (He and his ex-fiancee were togeather for 6 months, and got engaged after like a month of dating.) Most of the rest of his relationship, except for this last one, haven't lasted much longer than that. I think it's reasonable to want to make sure I can hold is attention, even from 1500 miles away, for a year before uprooting myself for him. Which I would do tomorrow if he asked, by the way, and he knows that. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take a bit more time.

*hugs*

that wasn't all a responce to your comment, a lot of it was comment in general, so please don't take it personally if I came off as being defensive. It wasn't aimed particularly at you
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[User Picture]From: perkyfreak29
2007-05-14 03:07 pm (UTC)
Will you be in Virginia on the 25th? Think you might make it into the city for my show?? :)
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[User Picture]From: nchanter
2007-05-14 05:31 pm (UTC)
I think I'll be at my Grandparent's hun... I'm sorry, I would love to see you take your clothes off, trust me ;)
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[User Picture]From: perkyfreak29
2007-05-14 06:06 pm (UTC)
Lol, well there will be more than enough opportunities in the upcoming weeks!
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[User Picture]From: randysmith
2007-05-14 06:26 pm (UTC)
Past weekend focussed: Yay! About enjoying being there, Boo! About not getting enough time. Next trip focussed: Good luck!

And, FWLIW, I agree with your current feelings about staying put for a bit; there's plenty of time to move. I doubt your feelings will change, and if they do I suspect that'll mean they mean something different than what you think they do. (Though I'll admit to being biased :-}).

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