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I'm Alive - The Mad Ramblings of Nchanter [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Nchanter

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I'm Alive [Aug. 12th, 2007|09:47 pm]
Nchanter
[Tags|, , ]
[emotional state |satisfiedsatisfied]

So, I will write about Pi-Con. It was an absolutely amazing experience for me, on many many levels. I am totally in love with this con. I wish I had pimped it more that I was working on it this year. You best bet that I will be pimping 3Pi-Con like mad. Actually, Let me pimp it now! http://www.pi-con.org/ Pre-Reg is already up. Yay.

But What I want to write most about now is something else. It's related. But really, I am feeling more like me again. But, it's different. Some of it was the con itself, but mostly it was just a backdrop for some realizations.

Last weekend Dave was here, and, well, I was happy. This weekend I spent working my ass off with some people I love and some people I just met on something that was, ultimately, despite the stress of x and y and the fubar-ness of z, really fucking fun. I enjoyed this. It made me happy.

I have spent most of the past year secluded, recluse, and spending a lot of my time online. Yea, I'm a geek, it happens, but a lot of it was avoidance. I was avoiding my life. It sucked. I was depressed. I was not happy.

While avoidance is bad, I think I needed the seclusion a bit. I have changed and grown, and I am right now in a big period of change as well, having to do with coming to terms with being an adult. Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking with a few close friends about, well, stuff, but big stuff. Dave and relationships and their relationships and life and a whole bunch of stuff, and I am realizing how drastically I have changed in relation to certian things. One of the most obvious, and drastic, is drama. I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Nor do I want it. I can deal with Real Stuff (tm), but bullshit drama? Just don't have the interest or time for anymore. That was not true 2 years ago. 4 years ago I THRIVED off of it. And I've been trying to figure out what the difference is, and some of it is I've just grown up, and that's what growing up means for me. For the first time I'm finally starting to feel like a real adult. I feel like me, but not the me I was before, but a me that is so so so much more right. And it's kinda fucking awesome.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: dariusk
2007-08-13 02:27 am (UTC)
Yes.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: solipsistnation
2007-08-13 02:51 am (UTC)
Not having the energy (or, I bet, if you think about it, the patience) for drama is a sign of maturity. And not the lame kind of maturity where you get all boring, but the cool kind where you just sort of get on with stuff and let a lot of stuff no longer bother you any more.

You may find, as you move through this, that you are basically writing off old and possibly once-close friends and moving them toward roles less involved in your actual life (and basically no longer giving a shit what they think). I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing.

I also think some seclusion and figuring stuff out is very very important. I'm glad it's not just me, heh.

So, yeah. Congratulations on the next step of figuring yourself out.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: lightcastle
2007-08-13 05:37 am (UTC)
All of that sounds incredibly healthy.
(Reply) (Thread)