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EMPaThY

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Open Letter [Feb. 19th, 2008|12:17 pm]
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[emotional state | awake]

Dear Future Partner(s),

My standards for communication are... high. Really high. Super duper uber high. Afraid that you might be over-sharing, and telling me things that I don't actually need to be told, because they are obvious, or are things I already know? Yea, you might be starting to communicate enough for me.

I have learned to over-share on the side of making me look neurotic vs the horrors of having not told someone something important, or having something not important turn into something disastrous 'cause it just was never ever discussed.

This is not to say I am perfect. I often fall short of my own standards. There are still things that it is hard for me to talk about, and I do screw this up sometimes. I'm not good at talking about what I want out of my own sex life, even though I am really comfortable talking about sex in general. I can talk about passion but the more I get hurt, the harder it is for me to admit to how much I care about someone, or I become embarrassed by it, because caring = weakness in some twisted part of my brain.

But I am trying, and I ask that you try too. One day, when we find each other, hopefully we will be better at it together than we are alone.

Anything worth having is worth working for.
Anyone worth having is worth dying for.
I am way more vulnerable than I pretend I am, and I am so sick of pretending all the time.

Love,
Nchanter
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]randysmith
2008-02-19 05:43 pm (UTC)

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Sigh. My sympathies. *hugs*
[User Picture]From: [info]fireheart
2008-02-19 07:07 pm (UTC)

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There is a surprising amount of safety in revealing your weaknesses.
*hug*
[User Picture]From: [info]lightcastle
2008-02-19 07:07 pm (UTC)

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I am sort of struggling with this right now.

I keep upping the bar, and not even living to my own standards, but trying, and making people upset because they feel I am asking too much.

That I have severe trust issues about people not telling me things due to my last serious relationship doesn't help.

My sympathies and support.
From: [info]caulay
2008-02-19 07:39 pm (UTC)

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Good luck finding that person.

And remember:

Anyone worth dying for is also worth living for.
[User Picture]From: [info]everaidenn
2008-02-19 08:44 pm (UTC)

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I can talk about passion but the more I get hurt, the harder it is for me to admit to how much I care about someone, or I become embarrassed by it, because caring = weakness in some twisted part of my brain.

I fall into this category.

Lately, though, I've been saying nearly everything on my mind, whenever it happens to come there, regardless of how embarrassing or ill-timed or ridiculous it feels. But. Whenever I finish, and I blush or tear, and I look up, I'm always greeted with a kind face with eyes that say nothing but "thank you". That look strengthens my resolve to keep it up. Sunday night, I turned to him in bed and asked "Do I tell you too much?" and he said "No, not ever."

It's true. Anything worth having is worth working for.

And, really, if I have shared myself so completely with someone physically and emotionally, I shouldn't be embarrassed by my past, my demons, my knowledge, my ideas, my feelings, or my voice.

(On a personal note, I'm sorry for failing with this on such a grand scale with you. But, I'm learning and, hell, I think I'm even succeeding.)