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My friends don't suck. <3 - The Mad Ramblings of Nchanter [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Nchanter

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My friends don't suck. <3 [Jun. 8th, 2011|11:57 pm]
Nchanter
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[emotional state |sleepysleepy]

So in this whole wedding planning process I've managed to mostly stay off of wedding websites and forums, with the exception of Offbeat Bride. I'm a member of the "Offbeat Bride Tribe" (their social networking/forums) and it's sometimes awesome and inspirational, sometimes heartwarming, sometimes heartbreaking, and occasionally cringe worthy or a bit WTF, including Bridesmaids Drama.

I understand family drama. I understand drama related to invited guests. I understand drama related to uninvited guests, and the +1 dilemma, especially for those on a tight budget or in a small venue. I even understand drama surrounding PICKING your bridesmaids (not that I experienced this one at all). The amount of drama some of these ladies are experiencing from their bridesmaids, especially the ones that are "their best friends for 10 years" is just... redonculous. I'm completely baffled as to why anyone would pick such persons to play such an important role on such and important day.

This is, by no means, all the ladies in the OBT, and from what I can tell it's more prevalent amongst the younger brides (shocking, I know). I just don't understand how, if you've been friends with someone for 10 years, or 8, or since you were 2, how you had "NO IDEA that she would pull this shit" which mostly consists of being Ms. Flaky McFlaky-Pants. People don't just randomly start flaking out on their friends, it's usually a pattern of behavior, or there is an incident that triggers the behavior.

I'll admit: I use to have friends like this. We all have. Some of us still do. I made a painful, conscious decision after the breakup with Darxus that I needed to cut out the unreliable and self-centered people in my life. While this seems like a no brainer, it took some time and was hard; some of those people were FUN when not causing extra stress or drama. I just can't imagine ever asking any of them to do this thing where reliability and not being the center of attention is so very important. Really, though, I'm mostly happy that it didn't have to be a conscious consideration at all when I picked who would be standing up with me on our wedding day :)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: sparkymonster
2011-06-09 04:17 am (UTC)
I just...WTF.

WHYYYY

I hate that people drag their drama llama-ness into what is supposed to be a celebration. I'm glad you were able to cut out the unreliable drama llama friends out of your life
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[User Picture]From: persis
2011-06-09 05:00 am (UTC)
*hug* *pebble* Looking forward to the end result. :-) And so glad I already did the wedding thing (albeit 15 years ago).
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[User Picture]From: hughcasey
2011-06-09 01:02 pm (UTC)
I have also had many friends like this. I still do, in fact. I have quite a few unreliable friends. And I enjoy them and their company.

I just RELY on them for anything. Because, y'know, of their being UNRELIABLE and stuff...

:-)

(Good luck on the wedding planning!)
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[User Picture]From: minkrose
2011-06-09 02:23 pm (UTC)
I strive for this balance! However, it hasn't worked well enough for me yet, due to a variety of reasons. But I will hold onto hope. :-)
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[User Picture]From: drwex
2011-06-09 02:37 pm (UTC)

There are different kinds of "friend"

The English language is pretty poor at differentiating them, but there are "friends" I'd go out to a bar with for fun and "friends" I would call if I was on my way to the ER and needed help. Both kinds are fine - just don't confuse the two.
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[User Picture]From: minkrose
2011-06-09 02:56 pm (UTC)

Re: There are different kinds of "friend"

Totally; the problem is that I haven't been able to successfully spend any time with flaky people who are fun to be with. It's not that I try to depend on them, it's that I never manage to see them at all, and that's too bad.


It's probably because I don't attend very many large gatherings, and flaky people are difficult to pin down one-on-one.
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[User Picture]From: minkrose
2011-06-09 02:30 pm (UTC)
Ooooh yes. I heard a lot of those stories. Funny thing, we specifically picked our wedding party BECAUSE they were super reliable people. Plus, we had a very detailed schedule that everyone got a copy of, and overall, everything was fine. We had more drama from my mom (legitimately concerned about her extremely judgmental family) than anyone else.


Sadly, I feel I am one of the flakiest people I know, at least socially, because I still don't know where my burn out point is on parties. I usually have one thing planned, and then another relatively low-key thing gets added, and then it's a big thing, and then last-minute, a third thing is added and it's suddenly too much but I can't easily get out of anything. Usually I go to about half the things but I need to do a better job of going to the RIGHT half of the things.

But in a wedding? You suck it up and deal. I get the feeling that a lot of these bridesmaids have no idea what is involved in the process and don't understand the consequences of their actions, or they are feeling left out somehow. We loved having a wedding party but obviously YMMV.
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[User Picture]From: drwex
2011-06-09 02:47 pm (UTC)

Totally random comment

I really like your icons on this comment and the one above. Neat!
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[User Picture]From: minkrose
2011-06-09 02:57 pm (UTC)

Re: Totally random comment

Thank you! I've had both of those icons for almost ten years, but they are some of my favorites.


This icon is everyone else's favorite, haha! I love it.
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[User Picture]From: deguspice
2011-06-09 06:47 pm (UTC)
Just in case you were wondering, I won't be disappointed if I'm not selected to be one of your bridesmaids.
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[User Picture]From: jpallan
2011-06-09 09:25 pm (UTC)
I think that one of the biggest problems, on the whole, with wedding attendants, is that a lot of people assign external duties to wedding attendants. When I got married, Christopher was attended by his two brothers and I was attended by my two daughters. Parcelling out responsibilities to everyone was done on a willing, as-able basis. (I certainly wasn't using Alicia and Julianne as emotional support, it was a symbolic gesture regarding family.)

I think people get too attached to the idea that they can rely on their wedding attendants to attend to details they're not really up to doing, and to complicate things further, people assume that being asked to serve as a wedding attendant implies a closer friendship with someone than not being asked to serve. It can, but I know I was chosen as matron of honour at a friend's wedding at least in part because of my encyclopaedic knowledge of etiquette and my ability to handle her mother. I'm not her best friend, though I do care for her deeply. I'm fine with it, though. I've also not been chosen to serve in weddings, and again, it wasn't drama, it was simply my ability to be fully engaged in someone else's process.
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