The Mad Ramblings of EMPaThY

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:17:50 GMT

Some days all you can do is throw up your hands at it all.

Today, apparently is one of those days.

I should have called out sick and stayed in bed with the boy.

-K

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 21:19:34 GMT

I am a silly little girl with a silly little crush. I should see to that.

That being said, I'm very happy that Lisimba is here, and so far his visit is going well. I am, however, reminded of just how very hard I am to live with. Eldrad must be a saint or something.

-K

Pi-Con!

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:48:41 GMT

So, many of you probably already know that I'm heavily involved in Pi-Con, a small but lively Science Fiction/Fantasy/Gaming/General Geekery convention taking place August 22-24th, at The Clarion in West Springfield. We have Cory Doctorow as our Guest of Honor, and Randall Munroe of xkcd as our Webcomic Guest of Honor. We have over 50 more guests who will talk on such varied topics as Alternative Energy, Technology and Sex, Free Speach and The Internet, Polyamory, Writing the Opposite Gender, Torchwood, Dystopian Fiction, Religion in Science Fiction, and much much more. There are also events including ballroom dancing, a games room, a video games room, and many author readings.

Our registration rate goes from $30 to $35 July 15th, and the convention discount hotel room rates that start at $85 a night are only good if you book your room before July 22nd. So please, if you are thinking of coming, get your membership and your room booked now.

http://www.pi-con.org/ is the official website for more information. I'm excited and I hope y'all will join us!

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 00:43:39 GMT

Oh yea...

Happy Birthday tisana!

Shopping

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:19:28 GMT

I need some new clothes, for summer, that fit right, well, like, before now. I'm planning on going shopping this evening after work, 'cause, well, I shouldn't put it off any longer. I want a Nordstroms, which means I'm looking at Burlington or Natick. Both also have a Bannana Republic. Now Natick has Ann Taylor Loft and White House|Black Market, but they removed their The Limited. Burlington has a The Limited. These are all 3 places where I have purchased clothes that fit me well, that I like. The Limited tends to run a bit more conservative, last time in shopped there, which is good for work. (And Express just has their necklines too low for work these days, but is at both malls anyways, so I will still look) I'm tempted to go to Burlington partially 'cause there are LESS stores I would go into, and I haven't visited the new Nordstroms there yet. But White House|Black Market sometimes has som really awesome stuff. All of their stuff is White, Black, Cream, or Blue Jeans. I mean, dude, my 3 favorite pairs of Jeans, including the 2 that fit me the best, are from there.

My question is, really, which should I go to?

-K

PSA

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:39:34 GMT

So there have been a number of times in the past, oh year, that I have had friends say to me "Like I can keep track of who you're dating" I was thinking about this, and someone else on my friends list made an update of who she's currently dating, so, well, I thought I would do the same.

The only person I consider myself being in a Capital-R Relationship with right now is Lisimba aka The Dutch Boy, who's plane will be landing in Boston in a little under 34 days, 5 hours (not that I'm counting). I am also "involved" with davean and randysmith, but not to the point where I would say I'm in a Relationship with either of them.

Also, the last person I considered my Primary was darxus. I know some of you thought other relationships I've had since then have qualified, and that's fine, but I use that label to mean something pretty specific.

-K

4 Years

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:02:12 GMT

My father died 4 years ago today. I miss him a lot. Sometimes I feel like I've been holding my breath for those 4 years, afraid of exhailing.

When I dropped out of school again last year my mother, in a (sucessful) attempt to hurt me, told me how dissapointed he would be in me. I like to think that he would have tried to understand, and help. However, if he were alive right now, I know he would be very proud of me, for how I am doing now.

I'm not doing anything special for the day. I've got work, and D&D, but I didn't want to let it pass unremarked on. I give thanks to The Spirit and The Goddess for giving me the father I had, and the years I had with him, and the lessons I have taken from him and managed to retain and continue to learn from.

Fri, 23 May 2008 10:43:31 GMT

I know why I'm up this early in the morning, but it's still too early in the morning to be up.

Next time, I don't care how damned interesting the conversation is, if I need to get up at 6:30am, I'm going to bed at 11:00pm, not 2:15am.

Especially if I have a date that next night.

Well, she likes horror, so hopefully if I turn into a zombie she won't much mind. I should learn to plan better, or rather, stick to my plans.

-K

This week is going better.

Tue, 20 May 2008 22:38:48 GMT

So, I play this online game, called "A Tale in the Desert." (ATITD for short) I've done this for about 2 years now. I also hang out in the IRC channel that is associate with this game (#ATITD predictably). I have met some cool people through the community that surrounds this game. Many of the people in the IRC channel are former players. The D&D game I run using a Java map tool and Team Speak is for people I know through #ATITD and through the game. A couple of those I have met up with for lunch before, with eldrad, who is the one that introduced me to ATITD.

These people are important to me. They are just as much my friends as the people I know through Poly Boston, or my friends from highschool, or wherever.

There are a number of Dutch guys that hang out in #ATITD and one of them, Lisimba, plays in my D&D game. He's a socially akward geek IRL, but is pretty social in IRC. At sompoint I found myself talking to him one-on-one a whole lot. A relationship has developed over the past months, and this afternoon he bought a plane ticket to come and visit me for two weeks in July.

He's... a bit more than a friend, but it's hard to define 'cause it's all be over the internet so far. But I'm wicked wicked wicked excited that he's coming to visit.

Meme!

Fri, 16 May 2008 15:45:30 GMT

Your big crazy Livejournal lightsaber duel.

LiveJournal Username

Your favorite Star Wars character?

Your favorite Star Wars movie?

What color is your lightsaber?

How do you weild your lightsaber(s)?

What is your signature force power?

And now the big question... Light Side or Dark Side?

Is pretty fly for a Jedi.

fairychild86

Bustin' out flips and jumps that'd make Yoda jealous.

deadwinter

Is first to get killed in battle... How embarrasing.

sunspiral

Manages to chop off one of their own hands. Ooops!

mrpet

Wields a lightsaber like second nature.

cindy_lu

Uses force lighting in the battle... CHEATER!

feng_huang

Comes out from the battle victor.

elvendoll

Chance you leave this battle with all of your limbs in tact.

99%

This Fun Quiz created by Rob at BlogQuiz.Net

Free Daily Horoscopes at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

Fri, 16 May 2008 14:42:27 GMT

The only sort of pesto that the store down the street is apparently carrying anymore (Eldrad did the shopping, I have not verrified this for myself) has cashews in it. I found this out the hard way last night.

Didn't cashews use to be an expensive nut?

*sigh* Anaphalaxis is NO FUN for nchanter.

Wed, 14 May 2008 17:30:11 GMT

I've been doing lots of thinking about relationships recently. This should be no surprise to anyone.

At somepoint, I believe, we all SHOULD sit down and make a concious decision about how much are we each willing to compromise, or even give up of one's self, for Love. I want to spend the rest of my life in Massachusettes. There are many reasons for that, some of the silly and political, some of them do to with cultural norms versus the cultural norms of other areas. But I was (and probably still am) willing to give that up for love. But did I sit down and think about that rationally? I'm not sure I ever did.

My mother is of the opinion that you shouldn't have to compromise anything. I think that's crazy talk. In any good relationship, even a "perfect" one, there WILL be compromises, give and take. I think that there needs to be, since a relationships without any sorts of trials between the two people is... well... what happens if you then one-day hit one?

There are some things I know I won't compromise on. I won't screw around with my safe-sex practices just to make someone happy. I won't tolerate deception, and I require near-brutal honesty, even when, no, ESPECIALLY when, I fall short of it myself. I won't ever be in a non-negotiable completely closed relationship. Everything should always be open for discussion, even if it's not up for alteration.

There are a lot of things that I don't know where my hard line is. There are a number of small things, that are important to me, that individually don't seem like a big deal to "give" on. But what if it's 20 little things? Am I willing to give on all 20? Does the amount I'm willing to compromise change with the amount the other person is willing to compromise? How much of my self can I give up without giving up myself completely?

Each situation is different. I know that. However, it is really important to figure out what is and isn't negotiable before you sit down at the table. Otherwise, you might find youself giving away the store, one small argument at a time...

Thu, 08 May 2008 04:18:27 GMT

I'm going to Oklahoma tomorrow to see my boyfriend. I will also be seeing my brother and my sister-in-law. I plan to return back to civilization late late Sunday night. Monday I will be a zmobie.

-N

the misspelling of "zombie" was intentional. Like, two people reading this will get it, and one of them will think I'm absolutely silly for doing so.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:06:38 GMT

Staying up until 3 am online talking with people on a ~~school~~ work night is a bad idea. But sometimes it's nessisary. This was one of those times, but man, today is going to suck.

I'm kinda glad we don't have D&D today (my Monday game has been moved to Tuesday) because I would be a total zombie for it. Total and complete. Hopefully I'll be a smart little nchanter and go to bed early tonight, or at least at a resonable hour. I wouldn't bet any money on it though.

oh! Dave defends his thesis tomorrow. I'm very excited for him.

*drags self out of bed*

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:47:09 GMT

[23:42] syntheticonyx: yeah... well i admire your commitment to your principles and convictions
[23:42] Nchanter X: thanks
[23:42] Nchanter X: not nearly as easy as i make it look ;)
[23:43] syntheticonyx: but that's you... graceful under duress

But man, do I wish it were...

PSA

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:33:40 GMT

I hate April Fools Day.

More signs that Nchanter is growing up.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 16:32:10 GMT

So.

Twice this weekend I've gotten dressed to leave the house, and both times I've put on my favorite pair of gothy pants, which still fit, in a "the measurements fit the contours of my body" way, but they no longer seem to FIT. I'm not saying that bondage pants or the like are not adult, but they are not the adult that I am growing into. They are still appropriate for one of the masks I wear, but they have moved entirely into "event wear" in my head. Next time I clean my room they will move to the drawers that are specifically for event wear.

Give me a pair of jeans, black or blue, and a black top that shows a little bit, but not too much, cleavage any day. Give me my favorite pair of boots, which actually have a 2" heal. What I wear to work is also what I want to wear going out, most of the time. I am changing, and it feels like I'm changing into an adult. Hopefully these changes will soon filter into things like keeping my apartment neater, or paying my bills more on-time, but it's something, and I will take what I can get.

Honestly, it's just a visible, outward sign of the reduced amount of chaos in my brain. But it is something I can see, and I like that there are changes I can see, even if they are silly and superficial. Now I just need to stop being so shocked at the times I feel like I'm being an adult...

Signs that Nchanter might actually be a girl.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:25:43 GMT

At somepoint, maybe, I should write a post about my thoughts on gender, my issues with gender identity, societal gender rolls, and those sorts of things. Someone accidentially triggered me thinking about these things in an IRC channel lately, and I can't get them out of my head. *glares in general direction of Ohio*

However, this is a post about how girly I've become. I'll never be uber-fem, or if I do become uber-fem, please put me out of my misery, but I booked a hair appointment to get my hair flat-ironed during lunch on Wednesday, May 7th. This is because my hair-dresser only works until 2pm on Wednesdays. Thursday, May 8th, I go to visit Dave.

But my hair looks really CUTE flat.

I need to order more contacts...

-N

Taking my own advice

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 14:48:50 GMT

Well, I was too drained to get out to Ceremony last night, which I was vaugely planning to do, but I'm finally taking my own advice and I've signed up for the "Finish it up" class on Friday Nights at The Cambridge Quilt Shop. It's just for March (well, they hold it every month, but I think I'm traveling a bunch in April), and it's a time and space to work on stuff and socialize with other quilters. And... it seems like a good idea right now to plan to do something that radically *Isn't* gaming every week. In addition, one of my oldest (in terms of knowing the longest) and dearest friends is getting married in 2 months. I don't know if I'll suceed, but man, I can try.

I need a quilting icon too.

ATITD20

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 00:54:07 GMT

So this game I just DMed... I'm playing online via Team Speak and a map softwear java thing. With people I know from my MMO. and OMG IT WAS FUN!

I am fried. I was like "why is it getting hard for my brain to do math" and then I looked at the clock and we'd been going for 7 hours. And the fight came to an end, I healed people up, and we were done. I then went to shower to try and clear my brain. It helped some.

I <3 Gaming. I can be a gamer geek now.

-K

(I may write more about it tomorrow when my brain isn't goo)

(I really really really need at least 1 gaming icon now)

Hmmmm... I need a gaming Icon

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:53:23 GMT

I need to learn how to be really agressive when playing 1856. It's complex enough that I'm not sure I know what I'm doing, even when I do, I doubt myself, and then I don't do stuff that I should. Grrr.... Also, I'm not sure I like playing on Teams. I am sure that the configuration of Teams yesterday was NOT IDEAL.

I DM for the first time today for D&D (or any RPG). I'm doing it online using Team Speak and RP Tools The map tool is nifty to play with. I'm running in Eamons's DragonWall world... except moddifying it. One change: There aren't guns. Which is taking out a lot of the flavor, but, well, I didn't think I wanted to deal with them. I'm also making the world more gray. I love Eamon as a DM, but his worlds tend to be very black and white, which I like for the way we play, but I want to try something a little different. And there is more that I would write but one of my players reads my LiveJournal.

On a 3rd Gaming Note Eamon is running a Wednesday night game while his Wednesday night DM is off doing silly theatre things and can't DM for like, 2 months, and asked me if I wanted to play 'cause he could use another body. I said yes, because I am insaine. Or because I like rolling dice or something. I'll be playing D&D 3 times this week. And probably 3 times some other weekend this month. Clearly, I now <3 Gaming. I need to find a more regular outlet for interesting board games though.

-N

Open Letter

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:39:48 GMT

Dear Future Partner(s),

My standards for communication are... high. Really high. Super duper uber high. Afraid that you might be over-sharing, and telling me things that I don't actually need to be told, because they are obvious, or are things I already know? Yea, you might be starting to communicate enough for me.

I have learned to over-share on the side of making me look neurotic vs the horrors of having not told someone something important, or having something not important turn into something disastrous 'cause it just was never ever discussed.

This is not to say I am perfect. I often fall short of my own standards. There are still things that it is hard for me to talk about, and I do screw this up sometimes. I'm not good at talking about what I want out of my own sex life, even though I am really comfortable talking about sex in general. I can talk about passion but the more I get hurt, the harder it is for me to admit to how much I care about someone, or I become embarrassed by it, because caring = weakness in some twisted part of my brain.

But I am trying, and I ask that you try too. One day, when we find each other, hopefully we will be better at it together than we are alone.

Anything worth having is worth working for.
Anyone worth having is worth dying for.
I am way more vulnerable than I pretend I am, and I am so sick of pretending all the time.

Love,
Nchanter

PS

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:53:30 GMT

Has anyone seen my brain? I'm missing part of it, most specifically the part that keeps it from being a puddle of soup...

ADD is in overdrive. And I'm *TIRED*

PSA

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 15:07:18 GMT

Dave will be in town for about... 40 hours this weekend.

If you thought you might see me somewhere... you were wrong. (Unless I've already made plans with you. But y'all know who you are.)

And no, I ain't brining him to Hot Foods. I love the man, I ain't throwing him to the lions. At least not yet. Not on a weekend where I barely get to see him myself...
-K

Obligitory Post Arisia Post

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:36:50 GMT

OK. I ran into many of you at REALLY different points in the weekend. Honestly, my mood this past weekend varied a LOT. But even though I was wanting to go home Sunday afternoon, in the end my con experience was a positive one.

Short Re-Cap.

Registration -- I worked registration. I had a BLAST. It was really really fun. I worked with some awesome people who I have a lot of respect for. And it was remarked on how much awesome clue I have :) I was asked if I was going to be working registration again next year, and I answered with a resounding "Yes." Heck, I'm going to want to work more of Friday night and Early Saturday, 'cause that is when it is most crazy and that is when I felt I was being most useful :)

Drama -- There was social Drama. It was really icky at the time. It started to get really overwhelming. But in the end it worked out, and the situation that was related to the drama is better for the drama having happened, because it made me examine the situation more and forced conversations to happen in what was, I think, a fairly constructive way. I just wish it haden't eaten my Saturday night and most of my Sunday. But I am glad for the way the situation has worked out, and am an overall happier Nchanter for the momentary ick.

Art -- Well, I put stuff up in the show. None of my table pieces made it. Some of it was half assed, but some of it was really cool. Nothing sold, but that's ok, 'cause I got compliments on stuff (especially the repeated NFS piece) and the fabric collage piece. The fabric collage piece is totally not my colors... but I'm going to do more versions of that project in actual pretty colorways :) The really half-assed piece has inspired me to do a much larger not half-assed piece based on it that has the potential to be Teh Awesome.

Pi-Con -- Well, I failed to make it to much of the first party, and I was working during the Pi-Con meeting, but I showed up to the second party. I woudl call it a resounding sucess. We got people who wanted to be panelists, and someone who wanted to do an event (and somehow I didn't end up with his contact info... that makes me sad) and people who pre-registered (There was a special at-Arisia price of $20.) and most importantly got ME re-energized about Pi-Con. If you are interested in learning more about what's going on at Pi-Con, or want to get involved in our awesomeness, please please please let me know. :)

Friends -- I have some awesome awesome friends. Many of whom I don't see enough. I especially appreciate those who know to take my freaking out with a grain of salt, and humor me anyways. And eldrad, the best roommate and best friend a girl could have, who can manage me when I'm more crispy than the skin of a deep-friend chicken and still trick me into napping when I need it.

In conclusion: Arisia = yay! Deciding to be staff = double yay!! (The perks of Staff Den plus the Massage Den are, you know, wonderful, and the people who help staff those spaces better be getting extra good Karma from just doing those jobs.)

-Nchanter