|when it rains it pours
||[Feb. 17th, 2002|01:35 pm]
|[||song on the wind
|||||fiona apple -- first taste||]|
he completely deleated his LJ. removed the posts that were all about me. what he felt about me. all of that. i wonder now if i shouldn't do the same. but the past is such a pulling force within me. i am the sum total of my experiences. if i wipe those experience, do i not cease to be who i am? i guess it is what i learn from those experiences that really matters. but how can you learn from something you wipe from your mind? if you were meant to forget it, it will fade.
i write this, i keep this, so i don't forget. i don't like forgetting who i am, where i've come from, or how far i've traveled. i don't like that others think it is their right to deny me my process. but i'm past the point of thinking i can control it.
good memories of bad mistakes
i hate to think that almost three years of my life was a bad mistake, or even a mistake at all. or that i am the one big bad mistake in someone's life, especially someone who i grew to love as i did him. but i'm just going to have to come to terms with the damage i have done, that damage that i do, and the damage that i may end up doing no matter how hard i try not to. as much as i may not like it, i am human. i need to start realizing how this fits in with me, and what this really means...
and on an entirely different note... from my friend monica's aim profile...
"YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN LOVE WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS BETTER THAN YOUR DREAMS"