somthing is hitting me wrong, affecting me wrong. the flow of energy has been disrupted. i *think* i know what it is, but i think there is something else there too. it's upsetting. it's destrurbing. i'm sad. i dunno. i'm un-balanced. i need to be held. i hate the feeling of needed to be held when there's no one around. i also need to be fad. i don't feel like cooking. i don't feel like going out alone. i feel like going somewhere real, with someone real, to do something real. augh. thoughts, feelings, swirling through my head. realizing i don't trust people i call my friends. needing to weed out again. feeling.... sad because of what is nessisary to do, what they brought upon themselves. knowing someone is not a good person, and then REALIZING it, and then feeling action is needed. not wanting that person near you. not wanting to be sugar and spice and everything nice. wishing for snips and snails. feeling lost, and alone. NEEDING to be held. wishing i had done things differently. wishing i wasn't commited as i am. wishing i actually did what i wanted. wishing i wasn't dependent on other people. wishing my heart didn't bleed so much.