||[Jul. 13th, 2002|10:37 am]
going out west (like western MA or northern NY or something for the weekend with alan and his parents for a wedding/celebration. this should be interesting. i'm in the dress i did fairy pictures in and while i look pritty, i wish i were in fishnets and a skirt and such. i dunno, i feel way to "not me" right now. the throat is a little sore, and i'm tired. and we're camping tonight, ugh, no one told me this! i kinda don't want to go now, but i'm here, and i get to see MACBETH on sunday. i just really want to go back to bed, and play civ some, and just not do anything where i have to be social. i'm feeling reclusive again. i feel like i'm losing one of my best friends, and i have nothing to substanciate that with. i know i need to call and talk to said person. i just want to crawl in a hole and hide.
i don't rember my dreams anymore, but wednesday night i have a dream that i rember.
i went to bickfords with shawn and james and alan and chris and gwen and statik and dan and dan and siren and a whole bunch of people i'm friends with up here that would NEVER be in the same group togeather. there was like 20 of us. and when we got there it looked like amphora's (diner in fairfax city, virginia) and there were two other groups of people there that i knew. a csw/lexington group, with people like tim and toby and goo and katie and chris wood and jesse and clint and so on and so forth at one table, and again they had like 20 people. the other table of 20 people was of virginia people, brian's group of people like liam and will and breanne and nick L and brian's new girlfriend and alot of namelsess faceless goth-industrail types that i know he is friends with now. and i kept on having to jump back and forth between the three tables. and i was forced to like choose. or i felt like i was. and toby and jessie got up when i came over, and said something evil to me, and then went outside, looked at my freshley wrecked car, came back in to give me shit about it, and then left again. by the time i went back to the table i came in with, they had left. and i finally know what it means. if i keep on dwelling on hte groups of the past, i will get left behind by the one i'm in now. kris, it's finally time to let go.