||[Aug. 28th, 2002|01:59 am]
going to be sick. the hormones are playing hell with my system, post period cramps from hell. can't find my pain meds either. have to get a new prescription for them too. no, not out, expired. called alan. talked to him. that helped, until i started crying. i miss him so so much. when reading through old LJ entries from the past year i realized that there were some times when i was a really shitty girlfriend. i mean, i'm a shitty girlfriend, in general, to anyone, just about everyone, i've dated. this is not true of james. i'm not a good girlfriend, but i'm not a shitty one. alan, i was a really shitty scared of the whole thing girlfriend. now i can't stand not being with him. if i cry every time i talk to him i'm going to be doing alot of crying. and my car might be gaining alot of miles on it. i'm going to try and go and visit him sometime in late september, if my schedule allows. i think i can survive on seeing him once a month. i hope. i guess i really didn't realize how important he was to me.... i mean i knew but.... yea.
alan, love, darling, light of my life, i love you and miss you....