||[Sep. 9th, 2002|10:58 am]
non seriouse part of post! samhas used
a pic two pics i colored in for her as a LJ icons, or part of them (photo shop colored in. dooooom!) i shall post the full versions later. oh, they are taken from drawings she did that she scanned in. i need a scanner now.
in part of his post skryptic wrote: Where the common person would run and hide they should be able to collectively knock down the walls in their way with little more then will alone. I wouldn't be friends with them if I didn't think they were capable of dealing with things.
my response: my first inclination was to ask you what you were doing being friends with me. and then i started thinking (you make me do that you bastard!) yes, i have be accusing of being all emotional and a wus and needed crutches and emotional tampons. and yesterday i needed one and i hated myself for it. i also belive i should be stronger than that. i cried, and then he came over for an hour, and then i was functional again, cause at 5 pm yesterday i wasn't functional. the crying helped the most. (yes yes, i know i know, when i need to cry i should cry). but also i am petrified of this college thing. i don't want to go. i have never EVER said i wanted to go to college. yes, i was happy when i got it, 'cause i didn't have much other choice. and i am scared to go today. but i am doing it, walking in like i own the place, sitting down at 2:30 and writing a bullshit essay for the first time in over 6 months. do i still know how to sit down and bullshit? i'm not sure. i'm scared of that too. but i'm doing it. and at the end of the day i'll probably come home and cry. and that will be ok. i'll get through it. doesn't seem like that big a deal, right? take high school. 30000 people were telling me to bail in one form or another, including myself. the choice i made, the choice to stay there, in the dorms, and finish out my degree cambridge school style, meant a lot of really hard things. it was the way of getting it that meant the most obstacles. and yea, i did it, barely, but man, EVERYONE expected me to fall apart. and i stuck through. at the gates of heaven (or hell) i said "hey, this is who i am. FUCK YOU" and i made it through. so maybe i do qualify under there. and maybe i can do this today. and maybe you are going to kill me for this long self-exploratory rant on your LJ so i'm going to cut it off..... now