January 21st, 2002

sad

(no subject)

i feel like i should be happy, but i'm not. the internet is working, ive had a wonderful weekend, i have new user pics, which i spent time working on, i think they are cute anyways, but i'm not. i'm feeling kinda depressed. not like pre-new years depressed, but depressed none the less. it's 3:30 am and i'm up doing nothing... it's... depressing. i feel like i'm looking, searching for something, something i can never have... i just want something i can never have.


i still recall the taste of your tears
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head 'til i don't want to sleep anymore
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have
you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now
this thing is slowly taking me apart
grey would be the color if i had a heart
come on, tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have
in this place it seems like such a shame
though it all looks different now, i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be
come on, tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make it all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have
i just want something i can never have



i got my head, but my head is unraveling
can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's traveling
i got my heart but my heart is no good
and you're the only one that's understood
i come along but i don't know where you're taking me
i shouldn't go but you're reaching back and shaking me
turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
the more i give to you, the more i die

and i want you
and i want you
and i want you
and i want you

you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug

you make me hard, when i'm all soft inside
i see the truth, when i'm all stupid eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart

my blood wants to say hello to you
my feelings want to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
every little word is a lack of me (argued to be "'how very little there is left of me")

and i want you
and i want you
and i want you
and i want you

you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
(whispering)
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the drug, the perfect drug

take me, with you
take me, with you
take me, with you
take me, with you
(continues in background)
without you, without you everything falls apart
without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you, without you everything falls apart
without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you, without you everything falls apart
without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
  • Current Music
    nin - something i can never have
sad

(no subject)

why am i the only one up at this hour?

why did i just smash that glass all over my floor?

why am i doing things that scare the shit out of me?

why am i posting all this?

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  • Current Music
    Alanis Morissette-that track after the second You Oughta Know
dark

this bloody book

this book is driving me nutz. the footnotes (well, they are actually endnotes) are driving me nutz. the footnotes within the footnotes are driving me nutz.

footnote number 210 is completely unnessisary.

"Avril has vividly white hair -- as of the last few months before Himself's felo de se -- that looks like it never went through the gray stage (it mostly didn't) and legs whose taper you can see T. Axford is appraising with the frankness of adolescence as she paces a bit in front of the crowded seminar table, in full if kind of oblique-angled view of the people in the waiting room.210" --page 510 Infinite Jest

210. Hal and Mario long since had to accepta the fact that Avril, at 50+, is still endocrinologically compelling to males.

a. 'Accept' isn't the same as 'to be crazy about,' of cource



we don't need one Mr. David Foster Wallace to point out that the sons of an over 50 year old woman would not be thrilled with the fact, but still understand, that their mother is a looker.

that is all.


no wait it's not. madame psychosis is a reference ot infinite jest

now, that is all.
  • Current Music
    Tori Amos - Datura