January 24th, 2002


(no subject)

my head is spinning.

i have cramps.

my back hurts.

i feel lonely.

friends are fighting.

this sucks.

i need to get stoned and i can't.

this really sucks.

i need a day off and i can't.

i need to do my work.

i need to get some sleep.

i need to keep myself from not careing.

i need to cry or something.

this really really sucks.
  • Current Music
    Poe - Terrible Thought

(no subject)

i'm head over heels in love.

i find my mind wondering.... to you.... as i kiss my other boyfriend. that's bad. i always think hmmm, i should tell you about this really cool thing that happened next time i see you, but when i do, it melts away, 'cause i realize how insignificant it is compaired to the time i spend with you. the time i spend with you. so so sweet. so so soft. so so .

i say that i love you and i feel the words being inadiquite. i say that i love you and i know i am just skimming the surface. i feel. i feel. that's all i can says that begins to be accurate, 'cause love, love seems so trivial compaired to what it is i feel.

i sleep more safely curled up in your arms fully clothed for an hour in early evening than i do at night for 8 or 10 without you. around you my guard goes down. apparently i glow i glow. i feel and i glow and i learn and i *love* i am enraptured by you. your scent is the most intoxicating.... it is a drug. you are a drug, my drug. you are what calms me. and as i am on a nine inch nails kick "you are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug...."

i rember singing that to some blond headed kid i dated in middle school. it was, ewwww... mike wilber.... ewwww..... ewwwww...... yea. i didn't understand it then. that relationship was all about him getting some, and me not understanding that. and all i wanted at the time was andy back. hehe. i was such a silly little girl. i'm still a silly little girl, i just can drive and buy cigarettes and porn now and get into clubs. though i was smoking back then. i bet the few of you who knew me back then who are reading this are like "kris didn't smoke in middle school" yea i did. vary rarely. and no, you didn't know. no one did. it wasn't a social thing. it was a... i dunno. i don't rember how i started i just did.

and lauren just imed me. that makes me happy. she's the girlfriend of the person that i've been friends with the longest. well, let me rephrase that. she's the girlfriend of aprotim who of all my friends i have known the longest. i think i've been friends with lauri and lauren (other lauren) longer, but have known aprotim longer. i met aprotim in third grade. he lives in my neighboorhood, only one in the whole place i can stand. however, i beat the shit out of him in third - fith grade. he had shins of iron. this was before i started wearing steel-toed boots. somewhere in middle school we finally became friends, and our friendship wobbled for a while in high school but i think it's on pritty solid, if not, distant ground.

alex came over today. i ripped the nin live stuff from him. hehe. and we watched part of the dvd set. i'm happy. i miss my nin. bouncy bouncy bouncy.

i should go do work now as i actually have energy.

god that post compltely traveled. shit.
  • Current Music
    Nine Inch Nails Live-Hurt