August 26th, 2002


(no subject)

some days i think fang was right when he said i was hopeless. since then he has retracted said statement. but is my being aware of said hoplessness actually the source of my hope? maybe i can change 'cause i do realize how pathetic i am.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

really random entry. written over the span of about 2 hours

on october 25th, 2001 nchanter wrote....

and this is the place i came to to heal. as i told statik: "i can't heal here. i have to patch myself up so it will last through february. then i get to start healing myself."

and james commented alot in my lj in the fall. i never noticed that before.... and he came to my defense once or twice too.... hmmmm......

and looking through all these entries, i really think i suffer from depression. i mean, right now, i just started the pill i'm hormonal. but also looking back at everything that.... i thought it was just high school. before that i thought it was just middle school. maybe it's just life.

the problem is, weather it's depression or not, clinically, it doesn't change a thing. i need to learn how to deal on my own. they are never EVER putting me on meds again. ever ever ever.

i just talked to alan. god i miss him. god i love him. he really is my best friend.

i want to call him again and cry. he's currently in NJ, on his way to swathmore.

"tear the petals off of you, make you tell the truth"

god, posting those quizes really is annoying.

james just called me. he's going up mt raneir tomorrow. fun.

and pam cooked me dinner, forcing me to eat today. thank you panda girl
  • Current Mood
    nostalgic nostalgic