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so february is supposed to be the longest month of the year… - The Mad Ramblings of Nchanter [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Nchanter

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[Dec. 4th, 2002|07:46 pm]
Nchanter
[emotional state |sicksick]

so february is supposed to be the longest month of the year (emotionally) which is why it's the shortest month of the year (litterally, 28 days people). for me, it's december. the month starts off on this supposed high of my birthday, that, until 2 or 3 years ago, was always puffed up to be more than i wanted and it ended up being this huge dissapointment. i always hated my birthday. from there it just went downhill. christmass has always been a really hard time for me. all these images of family, and all my issues with my own floating to the surface, and then just not wanting to deal with them. and the onset of cold is worse than the duration of it for me. it's when i get depressed, and have nothing to look forward too. it's always been the time of year where i skip class the most. the artifical pressure put on buy the capotolistic nature of the holidays doesn't help, and the whole "end of term" thing is just emotinally draining me. i also, without fail, get sick in december. which, comprised with the depression, makes it impossible to get out of bed. it's always in the fall that i seem to change or shift groups of friends, and in decmeber while i kinda have an idea of who my friends are again, it doesn't feel cemented enough to warrent the giving of girfts. and so, i feel more like shit, and more alone. which fules the depression, and so on and so forth. i hate december. everything from thanksgiving to new years royally sucks. and i hate the fact that i am required to go home, and i really don't want to go to the bahamas. i want to move, and hibernate, and go slowly insaine on my own rather than quickly insaine with my family.

on a lighter note i am running a slight fever, and therefore went home instead of going to rehersal. blarg.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: destrado
2002-12-04 07:08 pm (UTC)
winter just sucks period. and living in new england really doesn't help. so far though, i'd have to say this december is better than others. anyway, i guess i'm trying to convey my empathy and tell you to feel free to call me while your home... although i'll probably be more likely to call you (i've called you for the past few christmas eves, haven't i?). anyway, *hugs and love* take care and i hope in this shitty month there are some happy moments.

-a
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[User Picture]From: nchanter
2002-12-04 07:42 pm (UTC)

Re:

thank you honey, that maked me immensely happy. well, no, but it helped, somehow, i think. i know i can call you, i know i never do. but i was telling someone, on saturday/sunday night, that i was really happy that mine and your relationship has gotten to the point where i would feel comforatable calling you at 1am crying if i needed to. up until a few weeks ago, that was not true. i think the turning point might have been the night we went to manray. as much as i tell just about anyone they can call me at 3 am and i'll be there, i don't feel like i am able to do that with too many people, currently, just alan and james. and more recently i added you. which the thought of that made me happy.

so yea, thanks. and i'm really glad we are finally at this point.

and yea, you call me around holidays. it's ok. i think i look forward to it at this point :-)
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[User Picture]From: destrado
2002-12-05 06:07 am (UTC)

Re:

i think you've just made my day, i feel really honored that you feel you can call me. And yeah, going to manray that night and hanging out afterwards and driving you to class the next day really made me feel like our friendship has matured a lot, i had a really wonderful time if i haven't said so already. just being invited to your birthday (which i hadn't attended since we were going out) seemed like a really large step forward, and actually, to be honest, it came as quite a surprise for me. it was another fun time, and something i dont think you should have spent time worrying about (and i'm glad you had a good time too, after all its your fucking birthday and shouldn't be about anyone else (you're the one that was telling me i should think of myself more often, now weren't you?)). wow, i'm really flattered and i'm glad i've made you happy. *hugs* take care hun,

-a
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