||[Jan. 29th, 2003|08:50 am]
|[||song on the wind
|||||capsul -- world outside||]|
thanks for all the concern last night, esp to marcus and coureton, who talked to me on the phone and got to listen my innane ramblings. i'm ok. i kinda... lost it... last night. but things are good. no, this relationship is NOT doomed. i realized a few things about it, about myself.
when james is on the trail i plan on being single. if this contradicts anything i have said or implied to anyone else, i am sorry. i haven't been single in over 4 years now... and i'm not going to break up with james just to be single. not when i have such a good thing going. and that thought of that good thing will help me through the single ness, i'm sure.
and on another note i think i'll dye my hair before i go to class. 'scuse me.
*added* at 11:50
hair is purple-r again. YEA! just how purple? we will have to wait and see, 'cause it's still drying. i didn't do any of the bleaching or the blue streaks that i wanted to. the shade of faded purple was just starting to piss me off too much, and dying my hair always makes me feel better. yea!
i was really out of control last night. i really would have done something rash had it not been for coureton. i am forever endebted to him, as always. i really almost fucked everything up last night.... and i really didn't realize how much so until this morning. even with not doing something rash, i hurt my first soul mate (yes, first, well, first i descovered this time around, he is certaintly not my first in the overall timeline of things.) and while he did not deserve it, i'm not going to cry over it. it would have been much much worse if i had hurt my beloved. yes, my beloved, that's how i think about him. no, not a soul mate. all my soul-mates are toxic and do too many drugs. beloved's are much better....