||[Jun. 4th, 2003|12:26 am]
i've been dreaming about "them" it started before i was actually in contact with anyone. not that i really am. aj started IMing me, then the thing with siren's cellphone a week or two later, then i saw mary at manray. and the dreams are just getting more... vivd. i drempt that dan called me about his relationship with jackie, that she was thinking that maybe he should find somewhere else to live for a while. this made sense in my head since mary said they has postponed the wedding. but anyways, in the dream, he was asking me for relationship advice, spilling concerns, thoughts, lots of deep stuff towards me. and i was helping him out. later griffin showed up, and we were rocky, but sat around, i started smoking again (bad krissy, but honestly, if i were still friends with them, i would still be smoking) i cooked chicken and rice, 'cause jackie was out (this was at her house) and we drank beers, watched them play vic city, and fell asleep on the couch. i drove griffin home at 4 am. when i woke up the next morning, with james in bed with me, it took me a while to realize it had been a dream. that all the others had really been dreams too... i dunno. this didn't happen after toby and i stopped being friends. this is really getting fucked up. once again, as soon as i think i've moved past this.... ..... augh.
it's been getting to me. alot. obviousely, as i'm writing about it. and i'm saying it not right after one of these dreams. augh. i dunno. it's like... because of stuff that happened beacuse of that, i'm in a place where that wouldn't have happened. and it's like "OK! i'm ready to come back! i'm in a place where i want to be there again!" but alas, it's not to be...
i should put togeather my night stand. i moved out. i need to move in. not just to the apartment, but to the new-version of my life.