||[Jul. 1st, 2003|10:03 am]
james called last night :-) *swoon* i miss him SO much. it was nice to talk to him, esp without static from the cell (the silly silly cell...)|
it got me to thinking about him. and us. and me. and boys. and stuff. i've fallen for lots of people. i've been in love with a few. in my book, falling for someone is like, that pre-love stage. where you are when you could be in love with someone, and maybe love them, but aren't IN love with them. but i always lose interest. i have gone through more boys than pairs of boots. i kinda wish i had something like a shirt on the wall for every person on my list. i know, my room would be covered with shirts. or underwear... that would be... interesting. or poleroids with the key from my journal entry (found in my memories section, needs desperately to be updated.) on the little tab part. that would be interesting too, to see the progression of ages. hmmm... god i'm psycho artsy sometimes... which reminds me, i want to shoot all my friends at somepoint... but yea... i also want a neg scanner for that too... hmm... more money being spent before it's avilible in my account. oh wait! i could ask my grandparents... no no, i'll ask them for stuff for my apartment instead. drapes and lamps and side tables. yea. :-) and candlabras... :-) anyways...
so yea. i fall for people, but i get bored really quickly with people as well. i like getting to know people intimately, but, more often then not, once i have, i find that alot of people are more like garlic cloves than onions. a few layers to peel, and then your there. and yea, it's yummy, but nothing new. james is like a garlic flavored onion for me. at first i thought he was a garlic clove, but he's a great big onion with many layers, that keep on growing back. but are rich with flavor. i dunno. i haven't gotten bored with him. those things that are familiar are very comforatable, and just when i think i've figured him out... something little, insignificant, surprises me. in a wonderful way (well, wonderful more often than not, not always). and he's just such a deliciouse cumfy onion....
you know, i can function single. i just don't want to. but if he had asked me to, i would have. and i'll still be here when he gets back. and as for involvements during the summer. i said i'd do casual, but i wouldn't like, relationship-date. so i kinda am (and if you don't know who, deal with it, but alot of you do). i ENJOY it. i don't need it. even to have someone to curl up with once or twice a week to sleep i don't need to have someone i'm dating, i have platonic reserves (and the platonic reserves will now bitch that i reffered to them that way, and so now i might not...) but i like dating. i like being intimate. but i know that james is the one for me, and when the summer's done, and james comes back, my heart belongs to him. and only him. half of my heart is hikeing in maine right now. that's ok. that's fine. that's wonderful even. i dunno. just getting thoughts out. not exactly explaining myself, but yea.
ok, back to the daily grind.