||[Dec. 1st, 2003|12:20 am]
i just looked at my computer clock. i'm 21. that was NOT why i opened up this window. well, a little bit. first, the bitchy ranting.
JS just IM-ed me. i told him to fuck off. he didn't get why i was so mad. he had IM-ed me with some BS chain letter BS. "if you don't send this to 5 people in the next 5 minutes..." for those of you who have no idea who JS is, he's on my list of assholes. the one that contains the guy who tried to rape me. yea, that list. he also happens to be a character in katie's comic books. he's a strange kid with a major drug and alcohol problem. amongst other things. but it put me in a spoiled mood. *growls* after telling him to fuck off a few times i just ignored him. closed the window. 5 minutes after this is posted i'll be over it
ok. so apparently one sheds themselves every 7 years. this is a major belief in some forms of mysticism and it's one i think is true of me. and the past few days i've been noticing changes. changes i like. they are still happening. but i stopped and looked around and despite the sucky things going on right now (lack of job, lack of roomie, lack of control over anything in my life) i decided that i LIKED being me, and that i had nothing to bitch about. i mean, there are still things to bitch about, and y'all know i will. but.... :-) my birthday party went well (i'm sorry to those of you who i didn't invite, but i wanted it to be a small affair, esp with certain landlords that happen to be mine) my love life seems to be mostly in order and going quite well, i feel good about myself, i feel good about those people i consider real friends.... yea.... i'm happy. that rocks. and like, actually happy. not this soureing high above the clouds stuff, i'm not BLISSFUL, well, not ALL the time, but i'm like, content. my brain has seemed to slow and calm down in the past week, and i hope it stays this way.
and i think i'm overcoming my fear of girls/women. i'm not saying they are all gone, but i think i'm becoming better about them. only time will tell. and it still won't get me mink, so what's the point? (that was a joke)
ok, i'm getting too hyper.
there was more i wanted to say, lots more. it's failing.
i love my life. and for the first time probably ever, i'm saying that while i know what i'm doing. go me. i'm an adult. scary.
night kids. don't do anything i wouldn't do.