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Apartment-Poly issues. [Dec. 17th, 2003|02:37 pm]
[emotional state |aggravatedaggravated]

so the poly thing has been a deal breaker on people even comeing over to look at the apartment. i keep on going back and forth weather or not to talk up front about it. i'm really conflicted. someone is comeing friday (yes, i know that means i have to clean before friday, like, TODAY) to look at it and i didn't mention it up front. it's hard explaining polyamory to people who don't get it, or have never heard of it. i think i'm changeing my tact to "i have a number of frequent overnight guests" and get more into the specifics later. 'cause it IS my personal life, but granted, they will be living with me, and would have to be ok with it, 'cause if they are not that could be a BIG problem, and i'm not going to change my lifestyle just so i can make rent. well... i'm not at that point yet. technically i'm not the only one on this lease.

*gah* this whole thing is frustraiting. it's not that i'm not looking. i'm doing my best. koko is being pacient. my parents are being pacient. i'm at the end of my rope with this shit. *growls*

[User Picture]From: frommy
2003-12-17 12:31 pm (UTC)
That sounds quite a bit like my search for "occult-friendly" roommates. I recommend you hang in there and look for someone you can be up front about your lifestyle with. It may suck for a few months, but its worth it in the long-term.
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[User Picture]From: mailbitch
2003-12-17 01:46 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry I contributed to the cause of this.
Can I help at all in any way? Even coming over to clean?
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[User Picture]From: minkrose
2003-12-17 04:13 pm (UTC)
::hugs:: it's things like this that make me love you, bear. or at least proud. you really are a sweetheart. ::mumbles:: and you wonder how i put up with you... silly silly bear

by ze way, kris... if me coming by friday is going to interfere, i could come by... i dunno, whenever you want me to. i have no idea if i have a car. if you want my help cleaning as well, i can try. i won't necessarily be around much on thurs but honestly, from here on out, while i'm home, i'll do anything i can to help toooooo.

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[User Picture]From: hsien_lung
2003-12-17 02:43 pm (UTC)
Personally, I'd just ask them if they were okay with you having "friends" that stay the night. If they ask about it later, then go into details. Otherwise its no business of theirs to ask about your personal relationships with the people who come over to stay the night. =D Good luck.
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From: butterfly_smile
2003-12-17 03:36 pm (UTC)
I know the feeling. I think for now if you mean that you will from time to time have friends sleeping over and that they might not be the same person all the time then that will work.

I have told two of my roommates but not telling this one. She is only around about 7 nights out of the month.

Believe or not I do not think most people really care. I mean if you have someone walk in the door carrying a bible and wearing a huge cross then i might worry. You can tell pretty quick if people are open minded. That is one of the big things I put in ads.

Good luck.....let us know how it goes.

Have you ever thought about just getting a place on your own??

That is what I am going to do now...no more questions and long explaining.

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From: flea_ri
2003-12-18 04:19 am (UTC)
if I didn't know you and you said you were "polyamory" I would think twice, I would be worried that naked men would be walking all around the house, if you said "i have a number of frequent overnight guests" I would think your a slut. how about just telling them people come over once and a while, and leave it at that. no need for details which might scare them into thinking there is something a bit wrong.

-This message brought to you by the people who aren't Poly, and the number 3.
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[User Picture]From: tisana
2003-12-18 08:51 am (UTC)
Heh...I had this sort of issue when I was looking for roommates, but decided I'd just say, "I'm not looking for a buddy, just someone to pay the rent," and hopefully they wouldn't comment on my lifestyle. I haven't brought multiple bed-partners home, yet, though...

I am thoroughly sick of having a roommate for other reasons, though, and will soon have to move out and find a place on my own (because he's been evicted), and maybe it will never be an issue (except, maybe, for neighbors, who can piss off, or be entertained).

Oh...and hi, I friended you back.
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[User Picture]From: cos
2003-12-19 08:52 pm (UTC)
I always just acted as though polyamory is perfectly normal and not worth mentioning - which I think it should be. but people take their cues from you, not so much from what you say as what you seem to feel. If I didn't mention being poly and they were surprised at it later, it was their issue. I just made clear that I do have overnight guests and I don't want a roommate who would have a problem with that, without getting into how many overnight guests or how often or defining polyamory.
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