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Emotions - The Mad Ramblings of Nchanter — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Emotions [Aug. 16th, 2004|02:27 pm]
[emotional state |melancholymelancholy]

I use to think i was an emotional person. people kept on telling me i was, 'cause i reacted so violantly to my emotions. the opposite is really true; i'm constantly at odds with them, they are powerful, often out of my control, and i often don't understand them. it is something i shall always have to struggle with.

Something i need to learn to work on is how to handle them. Sometimes i let them carry me away, sometimes i don't pay attention to them. this sucks. this sucks hardcore.

There is this guy, who i've liked, and been involved with, on and off for years. I've let other people's concerns keep me from haveing the relationship with him that i would like to have. this has always haunted me. In May i was starting to finally work past that, decideing that i really did want a relationship, others be damned, and then, when dad died, i shut alot of people out, including him, including my girlfriends, 'cause i needed time to get myself togeather. so i'm finally in a good emotional place again, and i'm talking to this guy, and he tells me he's been spending time wiht someone i really don't like. and i fly off. i get protective, possesive, and downright bitchy. again, i'm letting someone else get in the way of what i want, and what i want to do. and after my outburst i feel like anyway i act now is suspect. i dunno, i really should learn how to reign in those outbursts more... i've gotten better.

There was a party, this weekend, that i kinda expected to be invited to, but wasn't. i didn't know it was going to be this weekend until i read, in someone's journal today, about said party. i got kinda upset that i hadn't been invited. i consider some of the hosts friends, and i don't get to see them enough. it's not a big deal, but i had a disperportionally intense reaction when i realized i hadn't been invited. *sigh* i was already upset over the first thing, so i guess that's kinda why, but... augh.

Just thoughts and things to work on, i guess.


[User Picture]From: darxus
2004-08-16 11:35 am (UTC)
I think your reactions to these things are pretty reasonable.
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[User Picture]From: fosphorescent
2004-08-16 11:53 am (UTC)
You should a lot like me, emotionally. I agree with what darxus said...and I'd be pretty upset about not being invited to a party and then reading it in someone's journal!
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[User Picture]From: ellydragon
2004-08-16 12:19 pm (UTC)
Yeah. I think it makes sense too (for what it's worth). I had kind of a similar (not really but emotionally kind of) thing happen yesterday with my best friend's husband. Who told his 5-year-old daughter that he wouldn't talk to me on the phone because whatever I had to say, he didn't want to hear it. Now, in his defense, I would bet he thought his wife was sending the phone up because I was supposed to bitch at him about something he'd done that she wasn't happy about. Which I haven't ever actually done, but she's hinted at doing before. When, in fact, I was calling to see about hiring him to do some plumbing work. But, anyway, even though he and I aren't really friends, and I don't think he meant it the way it came out, it still hurt my feelings and made me grumpy. So, I feel for you.
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[User Picture]From: supercheesegirl
2004-08-16 12:31 pm (UTC)
Some people tend to be very in tune with emotions and can flow with them easily; other people experience emotions really intensely and find it tough to control them. My roommate Dann gets so angry sometimes that he punches walls and throws things, because his experience of the emotion is uncontrollable. He's not an angry person or even easy to anger, but he is sensitive, so when emotion hits him it's intense. It sounds like you're the same way.

Also, I think the reactions you describe are understandable. I'm not familiar with the first case, so I can't say about that, but in the second case... I'm really sensitive to social slights (and perceived social slights) myself, and it can really hurt. There's also the possibility that the hosts expected so-and-so to let you know, or something like that, and didn't intentionally exclude you. It still hurts regardless.
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From: billporn
2004-08-16 01:04 pm (UTC)


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[User Picture]From: perkyfreak29
2004-08-16 05:14 pm (UTC)
I feel you baby, you know I do, muah
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[User Picture]From: buxom_bey
2004-08-17 09:05 am (UTC)
You're always on my invite list, regardless of if there's a party. ;)
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