But What I want to write most about now is something else. It's related. But really, I am feeling more like me again. But, it's different. Some of it was the con itself, but mostly it was just a backdrop for some realizations.
Last weekend Dave was here, and, well, I was happy. This weekend I spent working my ass off with some people I love and some people I just met on something that was, ultimately, despite the stress of x and y and the fubar-ness of z, really fucking fun. I enjoyed this. It made me happy.
I have spent most of the past year secluded, recluse, and spending a lot of my time online. Yea, I'm a geek, it happens, but a lot of it was avoidance. I was avoiding my life. It sucked. I was depressed. I was not happy.
While avoidance is bad, I think I needed the seclusion a bit. I have changed and grown, and I am right now in a big period of change as well, having to do with coming to terms with being an adult. Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking with a few close friends about, well, stuff, but big stuff. Dave and relationships and their relationships and life and a whole bunch of stuff, and I am realizing how drastically I have changed in relation to certian things. One of the most obvious, and drastic, is drama. I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Nor do I want it. I can deal with Real Stuff (tm), but bullshit drama? Just don't have the interest or time for anymore. That was not true 2 years ago. 4 years ago I THRIVED off of it. And I've been trying to figure out what the difference is, and some of it is I've just grown up, and that's what growing up means for me. For the first time I'm finally starting to feel like a real adult. I feel like me, but not the me I was before, but a me that is so so so much more right. And it's kinda fucking awesome.