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I've been doing lots of thinking about relationships recently. This… - The Mad Ramblings of Nchanter — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[May. 14th, 2008|01:08 pm]
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[emotional state |contemplativecontemplative]

I've been doing lots of thinking about relationships recently. This should be no surprise to anyone.

At somepoint, I believe, we all SHOULD sit down and make a concious decision about how much are we each willing to compromise, or even give up of one's self, for Love. I want to spend the rest of my life in Massachusettes. There are many reasons for that, some of the silly and political, some of them do to with cultural norms versus the cultural norms of other areas. But I was (and probably still am) willing to give that up for love. But did I sit down and think about that rationally? I'm not sure I ever did.

My mother is of the opinion that you shouldn't have to compromise anything. I think that's crazy talk. In any good relationship, even a "perfect" one, there WILL be compromises, give and take. I think that there needs to be, since a relationships without any sorts of trials between the two people is... well... what happens if you then one-day hit one?

There are some things I know I won't compromise on. I won't screw around with my safe-sex practices just to make someone happy. I won't tolerate deception, and I require near-brutal honesty, even when, no, ESPECIALLY when, I fall short of it myself. I won't ever be in a non-negotiable completely closed relationship. Everything should always be open for discussion, even if it's not up for alteration.

There are a lot of things that I don't know where my hard line is. There are a number of small things, that are important to me, that individually don't seem like a big deal to "give" on. But what if it's 20 little things? Am I willing to give on all 20? Does the amount I'm willing to compromise change with the amount the other person is willing to compromise? How much of my self can I give up without giving up myself completely?

Each situation is different. I know that. However, it is really important to figure out what is and isn't negotiable before you sit down at the table. Otherwise, you might find youself giving away the store, one small argument at a time...

[User Picture]From: cos
2008-05-14 05:54 pm (UTC)

my style on relationships & compromise

I see some people compromise in order to start, form, or build a relationship, and that's something I don't like to do. I strongly prefer starting out seeing if a relationship can work with me being as I am, no compromises. If it goes well and lasts significant time, then I think compromises are worth considering. However, that means that by definition I wouldn't be making decisions about such compromises in a vaccuum, or in a general sense, but only in light of a very specific relationship that I already know very well by the time I'm thinking about those compromises. That means that the nature of that relationship, and how I feel about it, can be big factors in determining what compromises I'd make... and that such decisions don't apply to other relationships, only to that one.

So on the one hand I'm leaving almost anything open to compromise, to varying levels (some things extremely unlikely, some much more likely), and on the other hand, I'm not ready to compromise on almost anything in "for a relationship" in general, and don't know which specific things I would compromise until I know which specific relationship I might want to compromise them for.
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