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I've been doing lots of thinking about relationships recently. This… - The Mad Ramblings of Nchanter — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[May. 14th, 2008|01:08 pm]
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[emotional state |contemplativecontemplative]

I've been doing lots of thinking about relationships recently. This should be no surprise to anyone.

At somepoint, I believe, we all SHOULD sit down and make a concious decision about how much are we each willing to compromise, or even give up of one's self, for Love. I want to spend the rest of my life in Massachusettes. There are many reasons for that, some of the silly and political, some of them do to with cultural norms versus the cultural norms of other areas. But I was (and probably still am) willing to give that up for love. But did I sit down and think about that rationally? I'm not sure I ever did.

My mother is of the opinion that you shouldn't have to compromise anything. I think that's crazy talk. In any good relationship, even a "perfect" one, there WILL be compromises, give and take. I think that there needs to be, since a relationships without any sorts of trials between the two people is... well... what happens if you then one-day hit one?

There are some things I know I won't compromise on. I won't screw around with my safe-sex practices just to make someone happy. I won't tolerate deception, and I require near-brutal honesty, even when, no, ESPECIALLY when, I fall short of it myself. I won't ever be in a non-negotiable completely closed relationship. Everything should always be open for discussion, even if it's not up for alteration.

There are a lot of things that I don't know where my hard line is. There are a number of small things, that are important to me, that individually don't seem like a big deal to "give" on. But what if it's 20 little things? Am I willing to give on all 20? Does the amount I'm willing to compromise change with the amount the other person is willing to compromise? How much of my self can I give up without giving up myself completely?

Each situation is different. I know that. However, it is really important to figure out what is and isn't negotiable before you sit down at the table. Otherwise, you might find youself giving away the store, one small argument at a time...

[User Picture]From: cbpotts
2008-05-14 06:52 pm (UTC)
The tricky thing here is that what you're super die-hard firm on NOW might not be that important five, ten, twenty years from now. The things that are the most critical to me now wouldn't have even registered on the radar when I entered my current relationship: we continually (and by we, I mean of course the entire universe, because of course everyone thinks the way I do, *grin*) re-invent ourselves and discover new wants and develop new needs as time goes on.

So to say now, "This is a deal-breaker" when I know full well in two years, it might not be, is very hard for me. The older I get, the less lines I find in the sand.

Some times the things we think we can't move on, life forces us to move anyway.
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