dance concert stuffs staredt up today. that is goods. however i didn't leave the lab until 5, instead of 4, which is when i told james i would. informed him of my tardyness, told would explain. get to ailwife after talking on the phone with vic the whole way. he's having girl problems. he calls me. go figures. so i get to ailwife and who do i see going through the turn-thingy but alan. i'm on my way to see james. he knows this, ok. so i snag him and sit next to him on the T and steal all his fries (burger king, eh) and at porter henri and mindy, james's roommate and honorary roommate get on with groceries. i introduce alan as my friend in a moment of panic. henri asks where i'm headed. "your room" i kiss alan goodbye as we get off the train. so james is at the station to meet me and there is just this look on his face when henri, mindy, and i are walking up the ramp togeather all carrying groceries. he laughs. we go back to the room. have a really really good talk about a less than plesant subject, eat indian food that mindy cooked. it was nice.
i get back here (being dorm) i check my friends page (yes before i check my e-mail, shush!) and i read this:
hold myself down with a knife to my throat standing alone as the drugs go to work
considering i am the only person on his friends list, or that he lists as a friend, as his lj exists for my befit. i am done. done done done done done. if he is going to do this, i can shut out the past three years of my life too. cold hearted bitch i can be, oh wait and see oh wait and see.
to quote the smashing pumpkins, love is suicide....